Nick and I celebrated our two year wedding anniversary last month, with me in Hawaii and him somewhere underwater out in the Pacific Ocean.

As a military wife, I hear this comment about as frequently as a vegan gets asked “But what do you do for protein?” Which is a lot.

It can be difficult to explain what being a military spouse means and I’m sure it means different things to different people because there are so many kinds of jobs and situations. It’s a different type of worry every day. Sometimes it’s the slow steady worry. Sometimes it’s the instant worry and burst of adrenaline when you hear something has happened or is going to happen. Maybe it’s a constant level of crazy-manic worry, especially for some of those jobs that are really secretive. Maybe it’s all of those things combined all the time. (I’m not saying there aren’t jobs or situations out there other than military that are similar in worry. I know there are. But because I can’t speak from experience for those, this one is about being a military spouse.)

(Note: Even though I refer to wife/husband/spouse in this blog, by no means is this an exclusive term. It’s just easier than saying husband/wife/fiancé/fiancée/girlfriend/boyfriend every time. This blog is for all military relationships and loves, straight or gay, married, engaged, or in love, period. And credit should be given where it is due; the non-married relationships, which are not recognized in the military can be the hardest by far. More often than not they go unsupported by other married military spouses and groups and are some of the last to know in case of emergency as they are not legally considered to be “Next of Kin.” They often move hundreds of miles across the country and across the world on their own expense for the one they love, again often with no recognition or support from the military. They often have little to no access to the things in our lives that do make being a military spouse a little bit easier, such as commissaries, health insurance, military bank accounts, military housing, support groups, FRG or military spouse meetings, vital news, and so on.

So if you hear someone is in a relationship with someone else in the military, respect what they must go through, all because they care about someone.) 

It takes a lot of trust to know your spouse is travelling overseas, sometimes to places that are known for rampant prostitution and other dangerous or tempting situations. The same goes for us. Amidst stories of military wives participating in scandalous events while their husbands are deployed, our guys have to trust that we are there for them 100% from the time they board their plane/ship/submarine to the moment they step back into your arms. In life as a general rule, you should never put yourself into situations that you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling your spouse or your family about.  

Whether they’re here with us some of the time or deployed most of the time our military spouses depend on us for support when they’re stressed or under pressure and for respect when they just need to focus on doing their jobs.
 
The support stretches to us as the waiting spouses as well. Our spouses need to understand what we go through while they are doing their jobs, the stress we endure moving from place to place, and the responsibility of caring for things that they are unable to.

In addition every person who is in a healthy, loving, non-threatening relationship deserves to have the support of their friends and family for that relationship. Especially during those high-stress moments of deployment when the cable/electric/bank/school/insurance/miscellaneous company refuses to talk to you because they don’t acknowledge your Power of Attorney or understand your husband is NOT here right now. Those are the times we need someone to talk to about it. Even if you don’t entirely understand, we just need someone who is willing to respect us and listen to us when our spouse isn’t always able to do so. 

Gearing up for a deployment for my husband, the submariner, I cycle through a lot of emotions. We don’t get to send mail to the guys while they’re deployed. Occasionally a wife who is planning on visiting the guys at a port during deployment will make a letter drop. But that’s exactly what it is - a letter drop. I can’t send a package and I’m limited to a small, very flat letter so as not to take up a lot of room in someone’s suitcase. I don’t get to talk to my husband on Skype unless he is in port (and has reliable Wi-Fi), which is only a few times during deployment.

What I am allowed is an email or two a week with no attachments or pictures, and even that is limited because I know it will be read by at least one if not several other people before his eyes see it. Obviously I can’t put anything in those emails that I wouldn’t want someone else reading, and I am also unable to mention anything that would negatively affect him emotionally, i.e. financial problems, deaths in the family, accidents, etc.. An email with a mention of any of those things can and probably will be flagged. If something happened to me or one of his family members, there’s a good chance my husband would not be allowed to know about it until he pulls into the next port, for fear of endangering his mental ability to do his job.

Because of these reasons, a few months before deployment I’m actually cycling through all the emotions of actually being in the midst of deployment as I write out letters and prepare packages and love notes in advance for my husband to take along with him on his journey, to be opened up a little bit at a time to provide him with support along the way. The fun part? I can’t tell other people because I am not allowed to talk about the dates or times of an impending deployment to pretty much anyone other than one of the wives from the boat, and that can only be discussed in person. No emails, texting, phone calls, Skyping, or Tweeting/Facebooking to complain that my husband will soon be leaving me to go on deployment.

During this time it’s the most important to communicate with my husband and for him to communicate to me. It can become really easy to cut off yourself emotionally. I know this sounds weird, but it’s unfortunately a great defense for emotional preparation. Putting up an emotional wall with him so it won’t hurt as much while he is deployed can happen really easily, but it’s then that it becomes most important to love harder and talk to each other more about how each other feels.

The thing I learned after a few disheveled relationships, none of which ended very well, is that I am a highly emotional person. (I know you’re thinking, “What woman isn’t?”) I can get very passionate about causes, movies, animals….You name it. I don’t know how else to explain that. The most important way I can explain is that I learned that someone else who as erratic and as emotional as I am does not make a good match for me. And what I realized is that, while I want someone in my life who cares about causes and feelings as much as I do, I need someone who will ground me emotionally and will think before acting or speaking.

That is what Nick is to me. He is Ying to my Yang. He balances me in a way that I will never fully understand, and in that way he is truly my other half. Because he is my other half, if I stop to think about it too much it feels like half of me is missing all the time, every day while he is gone. 

But in that same way, Nick is always with me. The couch cushion where Nick usually sits while watching TV with me remains unoccupied because I see him there sitting beside me.

It’s blasphemy to sleep on the other side of the bed. I tried it once, just out of a crazy concern that my mattress would become unbalanced. I spent that night restless. It was terrible. It felt wrong, and I kept waking up the whole night confused. Now I remain on my side - because the other side is and always will be Nick’s. 

That shirt he took off and threw on the couch one day a few months ago? That’s staying stuffed lost in the couch cushions. Sorry, visiting friends. (Though if it starts to smell, I promise I’ll wash it. Maybe.)

I still purposely put my makeup on his side of the sink picturing him giving me faux dirty looks and making little frustrated sighs as he moves it all back to my side. (I can’t help it- it spreads on its own.) His shaving brush and after shave remain untouched, albeit a bit dusty on his side of the sink as well. 

I won’t touch his favorite coffee or especially his coffee mug.  

When I watch something I know Nick would love, I imagine his expressions or comments while watching it. And if I remember a funny joke or hear about something he would love, I immediately stick it in an email or on his Facebook wall so he is reminded of the bunch of little things that made me think of him. 

And I won’t even get started talking about the little project I began for him while he is gone, in case he’s reading. A few of my friends know about it, and I’ll announce it when he returns. For now, it’s fun keeping it a secret. But it’s a way of keeping him in my thoughts, even when he isn’t actually here. ;)

Nick is my best friend, my go-to person I am so happy to share my life with.

It can be hard for some people to love someone who isn’t around much but it just makes it that much more important to love harder. My husband needs to know that he is the only one in my life and that I will be there still loving him and caring for him when he returns home. Love shouldn’t fade just because I can’t see his face in person every day.

A marriage is not easy. Love isn’t easy. No relationship is. You have to work at it. You have to surround yourself with pictures and reminders of your love and to do your best to surround your spouse with happy thoughts. It’s important, vital for him to know that I am in love with him, and that an ocean apart and several hundred or thousand miles will not alter that love.

That’s what it really comes down to. Loving, honoring, and respecting that individual with all your heart every day. Isn’t that what marriage vows mean anyway?

No marriage is perfect, including my own. And a military marriage is kind of like a marriage on steroids. But just remember that every single one of those sad, low moments makes all the happy ones, like seeing your love for the first time in months, just that much better. And that first Homecoming kiss makes it all worth while. :) 

Nick and I have been having a lot of fun together just watching movies and spending time together.
Today is Saturday and we're planning another Mini-Moon today...after the yardwork gets done anyway. Our one month anniversary was this past week. :)

As soon as I finish typing this I'm pouring myself a glass of champagne and getting prettied up.

We have two tickets to the Ali`i Kai Catamaran dinner cruise this evening in Waikiki. Nick gave me my birthday present early- my new waterproof digital camera. My birthday isn't for another two weeks but his camera stopped working the weekend of sub ball and mine ran out of battery. And the battery charger is missing. It was time to get a new one. I'm so excited to have my new waterproof one and hope to take even more awesome beach pics now that I don't have to worry about it getting wet or anything. In fact, I believe we're going to Lanikai beach tomorrow so I'll aim to get some great shots then.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I know we will.
Off to sip some champagne...Cheers!

Our wedding wasn’t exactly conventional...but then again, I'm quickly learning that nothing is very conventional when it comes to military life. :)


Nick and I had originally been planning on picking a date next year to have our wedding, a date when all our family could make it.

When we got to the island though, we just realized how much easier things would be if we went ahead and got married now instead of waiting. We were excited to get married..plus it was even more exciting to think about having a private ceremony and practically eloping.

I watch all the crazy wedding shows- Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, Four Weddings...People get so focused on making everyone else happy that they can easily lose sight of what's most important to them. What I loved about what we did was that we focused exactly on what we wanted and had a beautiful little memorable wedding.

I planned for about a month and a half- not easy to do in Hawaii. People and life move a little bit slower here- “Aloha time.” Companies were not quick to respond to me when I was on a deadline. Nick could only do the wedding on certain days with his work schedule so it wasn't an easy month of planning but everything came together beautifully. The two things I really wanted to be perfect were the dress and the photographer- and those two were definitely what we spent the most money on- but well worth it.

Our close family and some friends knew about the wedding but it was so much fun to surprise everyone else.

The wedding took place at Waia'lae Beach Park on the island of O'ahu in front of the Kahala Resort Hotel on Sunday, March 21st, 2010 at 4pm. We had just three guests present- Jared (Nick's roommate from the Naval Academy) and his wife Melissa (and their baby Gunnar too) and our friend Megan who is dating another guy named Lou who Nick went to the Naval Academy with. Lou was unfortunately unable to make it. The dates for his month-long mission kept changing and he ended up coming home the day after our wedding.

Megan was there with me in the beginning to help pick out my dress, which I was sad to do without my mom and sister and best friends.

I realized that by doing the wedding early there would be bittersweet moments. I wanted my mom, my sister, and my two closest friends there. 

By having this private ceremony, Nick and I never had engagement pictures, I never had a true bachelorette party, and we're not going to have a honeymoon for some time. So things are definitely happening out of order but...like I said, not conventional.

But there was something so special about it just being basically us. I never thought I would have my wedding on a beach. That's not to say that's not what I wanted- but beaches back in Maryland aren't what I'd dream of for a beach wedding, and east coast weather is far too unpredictable for me to even have tried to plan an outside wedding if we lived there. 

Being in Hawaii really opened up a lot of possibilities. We couldn't have asked for more beautiful weather.
The night before the wedding we exchanged our wedding gifts. Nick gave me my first pair of pearl earrings- so beautiful and something I had been hinting about but not even on purpose. I gave Nick handkerchiefs which I had embroidered for him with his initials, our wedding date, and “I love you.”

The day of the wedding I had my hair and makeup done by an amazing artist in Honolulu by the name of Maleana Cosmetics. Megan came over to the studio while I was getting ready and we toasted champagne in plastic champagne glasses. 

Thank God for the champagne- now I know why people hire wedding planners. I was so stressed something would go wrong! Fortunately, my hair and makeup turned out beautifully. It was really cool getting airbrush makeup. And my hair turned out perfect- it was mostly down with some pieces on the sides and top pulled back and dendrobium orchids tucked into the back.

Nick had dropped me off at the studio and had gone to pick up the cake to take to the restaurant where we would later have our reception dinner. I was so worried he wouldn't get back in time. I originally hadn't wanted him to see me before the wedding, but since the wedding would be outside at the beach there weren't a lot of options- he would have seen me at some point anyway. I was really happy though we timed it out so that he didn't see me getting my hair and makeup done. He got back in time and the videographer filmed Nick when he saw me for the first time in my gown with everything done up. I'll never forget the look on his face. :)

My gown was a light ivory color, A-line/empire waist with a champagne colored ribbon tied around and a cameo with ivory lace on the back. The dress itself was a lace overlay with embroidered flowers and beaded pearls. My veil was about shoulder length with a classic ribbon on the bottom.

Nick's suit was a khaki colored linen fitted suit. He wore an aqua button-up shirt beneath it with an aqua, turquoise and silver polka dot tie, a light pink pocket square with white trim (to match my ribbon), and a Thai dendrobium orchid boutinerre. (He considered wearing his uniform but it just seemed too formal for the relaxed beach wedding we had planned.)

My bouquet consisted of white, crème-colored, light pink, and apricot garden roses. It was originally going to be dahlias but the dahlias were in a storm earlier that week so they had to be replaced with garden roses last minute. They actually smelled really amazing and looked beautiful so it ended up working out very well.

I bought Nick a straw fedora from Banana Republic and gave it to him the day before the wedding. He wore it in a few of the photographs and it looked awesome on him. After searching for over a month I found a pair of aqua polka-dot peep toe shoes. I didn't actually wear them for the ceremony (I was barefoot, Nick wore Rainbows) but they were great for the pictures later and added a fun little splash of color. They also matched Nick's shirt very well.

Upon leaving the makeup studio, we rushed to the beach and found the photographer, Elizabeth Morgan, who snapped some shots while Nick parked the car, and we all walked up to the beach to find the minister. The one sad thing I will say about the day was one thing didn't go as planned; I was going to have a guy playing guitar to "Stand By Me" as I walked up the aisle and "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz on ukulele after they pronounced us husband and wife.

Unfortunately, the craziness of wedding planning got to me. I searched all around trying to find the perfect person for the job and was so happy when I found a guy...however, as I realized the day after our wedding, almost the whole time the uke player and I communicated via email, I was saying the wrong date- April 21st. Nick even looked over the contract before I signed it...for April 21st. Neither of us caught it. He later told me if I had gotten a hold of him sooner it probably wouldn't have been a problem to make it that day. Unfortunately we had to go on with the wedding without him. It went fine without him, I just would have really loved the music. He was kind enough to give us a refund though since it was such a miscommunication.

Other than that, everything went smoothly and perfectly. We had a little spot on a patch of grass next to a palm tree on the beach. Megan had scattered some dendrobium orchid heads on the ground. 

The wedding itself was so beautiful...but I couldn't tell you anything that the minister said. Megan and Melissa both did a reading for us- 1st Corinthians. Nick and I both wrote a little something to say to each other and it was very emotional reading our feelings.

After the ceremony and the signing of the marriage certificate, we got a few group shots with Jared, Melissa, Megan and Gunnar before they left to wait for us at the restaurant. We stayed for an additional hour getting lots of fun pictures- barefoot walking on the beach, dancing on the beach, balancing on rocks, me jumping into his arms, him carrying me into the water, me actually getting attacked by a wave at one point (the whole train of my dress got wet), gazing into each other's eyes, and more dancing on the beach, and walking off into the sunset.

Afterwards, we headed to a fun little restaurant in Waikiki called Tiki's Bar & Grill. My main goal with finding a restaurant was that I wanted somewhere that had entertainment and that was fun with really good food. Originally I was looking into fancier restaurants but none of them allowed you to be very close to the entertainment, or simply didn't have entertainment on a Sunday night. Tiki's looked fun from the pictures- Tiki poles all over the restaurant, a fun-looking atmosphere and a good menu with some really yummy-sounding drinks.

When we got there, Megan had scattered flowers all over the table. We had glasses of champagne waiting for us (we got to keep the commemorative Tiki's glasses!). We all had calamari and bruschetta for appetizers. I had a Mai Tai in a fun coconut cup...which ended up having a picture of Lono, the god of fertility and peace. We had a good laugh about that.

Nick had dropped off our cake at the restaurant earlier on that day so I hadn't seen the final product yet. It was so beautiful! I ordered the cake from A Cake Life, which I actually found on Twitter before moving to the island. It was a two tier buttercream cake with lilikoi filling (passion fruit) and fondant icing. It was the smallest two-tier they could make- a 6inch bottom layer and a 4 inch top layer, all 8 inches high total. It had a turquoise ribbon around the bottom of each layer and tiny pearl dots scattered on the fondant. On the top and sides as accents were real, tiny pink roses.

Nick and I weren't too messy with the cake cutting and eating. He made sure he took off his suit jacket first just in case. I did end up accidentally getting some on his face. :)
We saved the entire top tier of the cake by ziplock-bagging it and sticking it in the freezer...I hope it tastes as good a year from now!

After Megan, Melissa, and Jared left, Nick and I went to the giftshop. I have a tradition of collecting random bar/restaurant t-shirts for my future alcoholic patchwork quilt so I definitely wanted to get a t-shirt to remember the night. We both ended up getting a t-shirt and posing in front of the huge Lono Tiki statue-probably my favorite picture of the whole day.

We ended up going home with two Tiki's champagne glasses, a 20 oz Tiki glass, a Tiki coconut cup, and two t-shirts.
The night ended way too early, but Nick had to work the next day. The whole day was such a dream come true. 

It was just so much FUN- once I had a glass of champagne at the hair studio and relaxed and stopped stressing about everything going well. It just went well on its own. Nick and I agreed later that we're happy it was kind of just us sharing our moment the first time. We still plan to have the whole family and our friends out next year for a bigger wedding and party. (Hopefully we can get the ukulele player for that!) But it was nice to have some privacy and not worry about everyone else and making sure they were happy and comfortable for this time.

I felt like everyone was there in spirit too. One idea I had come up with when I first started planning the wedding was to have my mom, sister, and two best friends contribute to my “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed and Something Blue.” I got one from each of them to wear that day. 

I received a pearl bracelet from my mother (Old), a pin that was my grandma's from my sister (Borrowed), and a garter (Blue) and heart toe ring (New) from Erin and Rachel, my two best friends. My sister also lent me a pretty diamond hair clip that she wore on her wedding day too.

It was really nice to have them think of me and I was happy to be able to see them there with me when I looked at the items. My sister also sent me an amazing wedding countdown with a little plastic blonde Bride wedding topper that was Velcro-ed to the countdown and moved from date to date.

I don’t think I’d change a thing about that day. It was just so much fun and I felt really pretty and so happy. J The next night after Nick got off work, we ordered a Dominos thin crust white garlic parmesan pizza (my favorite!), had champagne, and watched Just Married. I called it our “Mini-moon.” We also have a sunset dinner cruise coming up toward the end of this month that we won in a silent auction. That will be another mini-moon for us. We’re going to wait a few months until things settle down and then plan a honeymoon to another island, probably Kauai. There are ziplines, rainforests, beaches, hiking and so much more to do there. We still definitely plan on having a bigger wedding next year- enough in advance for our family and friends to come visit.

We’re so happy to be newlyweds now! It feels so grownup when I say I have a “husband.” We still watch Family Guy and make “That’s what she said” jokes. Our idea of a fun night is still staying in and cuddling on the couch. We’re just an old married couple now.  I love it.

Thank you to all our family and friends for supporting us and loving us. I’m so excited to have a new last name and a new family now!

If you would like to see our wedding website (which I started the week before the wedding) or view our registry page, please visit: www.sarahlovesnick.com