"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I was at work today, I realized that I said "ya'll" to my new co-worker just 5 minutes shy of explaining how to pronounce "E Komo Mai" (Welcome in Hawaiian) and talking about my growing up in Baltimore. Then on the ride home today, my iPhone music shuffle picked up a previously abandoned Muse song added to my collection years ago by an ex-boyfriend I haven't talked to in forever. I was never into Muse. At all. And suddenly I liked this song. And the others from its album.

It got me thinking about how I've changed in the almost 7 months since I've moved to Hawaii. I decided my list was long enough to warrant being written down (and laughed at). So here it is:

 Things I’ve Lost since Hawaii:

• One less non-broken bone. (I broke my toe last month when my sister came to visit. I was unsure if I really did at the time but a month later it’s still sore so I think that is a yes. Not a big deal, but I’ve never really broken anything before. There goes that winning point in the  “Never Have I Ever” game.)
• My single status…er, well engaged status. 
• My last name
• My Maryland license (I do miss that little blue crab on it but my huge rainbow is pretty awesome.)
• My tolerance for cold weather (I freeze when I walk in air condition now. I took two sweaters with me to breakfast this morning because I was shaking the second I walked in the door!)
• My stereotype of military life & wives
• My need to wear socks ever again (Long live flipflops.)
• My car (Still heave a little sigh every time a silver Toyota Echo with all 4 missing hubcaps drives by.)
• A few checked off items on my life goals list (Get Married, Drink Champagne on an Airplane, Get a Drivers License from Another State, Visit Hawaii- that was number 2 on my list!
• Contact with a few people I probably wasn’t meant to stay in touch with anyway (…so no real loss there.)
• Any desire EVER to waitress again. (In fact I’m considering gouging my eyes out with forks before doing so again. I still have nightmares from my one evening spent working in Outback where the words “NEVER AGAIN!!” echoed through my mind all night like a crazy person.)
• Any sense of consistent dialect (I still say, “hon” from Baltimore, “ya’ll” from Charleston, and now end every sentence with “yah?” from Hawaiian pidgin. Plus I really like to say “Aloha!” )
• Two bank accounts. (No Bank of America’s or Baltimore County Credit Unions here.)
• My white pasty complexion and dry skin (Don’t miss either ONE bit!)
• My previous favorite necklace (A mother of pearl four leaf clover I paid a quarter for at a flea market when I was 10 and a horse-shoe charm with “Good luck” written in it I bought for myself when I moved out of my mom’s house officially for the first time…come to think of it that’s probably not good luck.)
• 2 Tupperware lids. (No clue where they went. Wonder if you can order that specifically….Hmm.)
  

Things I’ve gained since Hawaii:

• A wedding band
• A husband (!!!)
• A boatload (literally) of friends
• A tan J
• Greta (My “new” car…a ’99 beat-up aqua-colored Toyota Corolla who acts kind of fussy sometimes and likes to tease me by putting on her Check Engine light every 3 weeks or so but still kinda feels like a caring, worried Grandma.)
• One more state added to my roster of states visited (Now at 44!)
• A HOUSE of our own!
• An insatiable desire to bake cupcakes frequently (And an even more house-wifey obsession for cute little aprons. I think I used to watch Girls Next Door to often- you know how Holly always dressed up for doing silly little things? Totally becoming me.)
• An appreciation for always having lived on Eastern Standard Time….and an anger for when companies on EST call me at 2am.
• 14 new bikinis
• A passion for non-profit work & at least for now a job that makes me pretty happy
• A big expensive white dress
• Occasional awesome care packages from Mom (Which ALWAYS contain about 15-25 dog treat coupons which show me where her loyalty really lies.)
• A new pen pal- my sister!
• A new language (Well, not completely, but I do know a LOT of words now. Plus, ever since moving here I made myself say every single street name in Hawaiian out loud to practice and I have a real knack for Hawaiian pronunciation now I think….although I did JUST learn how to pronounce my street name after 6 months of saying it wrong. Oops.)
• An amazing new ability to “man up” and handle tools. (I’ve hung pictures, drilled, and even assembled a TV stand…in only 4 hours….um.)
• A new love for red wine. I currently have 5 opened bottles. (Sorry, Mom.)
• A newfound appreciation for military wives (and kids)
• A longing for Charleston I didn’t know I had.
• An herb garden (Which reminds me…I’m having fresh eggplant for dinner tonight!)
• An underlying fear of tsunamis (following “The Tsunami That Wasn’t” back in February. I still keep meaning to buy a tshirt that says I survived the February 27th Tsunami.)
  

My Constants:

• My dog Maggie. (Don’t know how I’d survive deployment without that dog. The neighbors seriously must think I’m nuts. I raced her down my street back to our house the other day, the whole while yelling at her like I would to a person: “I’m going to beat you. I’m almost there. Ha! In your face!” I did beat her but it was close. …Only to see my neighbor across the street outside looking at me and smiling awkwardly. Ooops.)
• My family.
• My hair color.
• My love for beaches….actually that has definitely increased with the overabundance of clear, turquoise waters and white sand beaches, and trade winds that keep the weather perfectly balanced….(Sorry. ;)  )
• My silver palmetto palm tree necklace I got at Rainbow Street Market in downtown Charleston that I pretty much wear all the time.
• My phone number. (I’ve had it since I was 17. 410 forever, baby. Although I am forcing Nick to convert from his 314 St Louis area code. Sorry, Nick.)
• My slight obsession with photography. (Only now it’s developed into an obsession with iPhone photography apps.)
• My appreciation for Maryland crabcakes, cream of crab soup, and Old Bay. (If someone tells you Old Bay does not go with everything they are WRONG!)
• My love for Nick…I take that back. That’s definitely changed. I only miss him and love him more every day.

You have to let go of some things to make room for others…but in the case of my two missing Tupperware lids I’m not entirely sure that’s true. But for the most part change has been good to me.

I couldn’t be a more happily married woman. Unless Nick was home from deployment but I’m taking one day at a time. And twice in the past two weeks I have had comments from two different people that couldn’t believe my age. Not that I’m old by any means but it was nice they thought I was a college kid.

Enough reflections. I need to go race my dog around the block. Aloha! ;)

17 Days into deployment.
Not that I'm counting.

Nick left on April 26th for his deployment. I couldn't talk about the date beforehand, and I can't talk about what he will be returning or where he is. But he is gone.
I've actually been doing pretty well. Of course, he was gone for 2 weeks shortly before leaving so 2 weeks is tolerable. I'm not sure how I'll be when 2 months rolls around.

We had a really great couple of days together before Nick left. We did that sunset cruise in Waikiki...it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The food was just okay (at best) and it was super awkward they sat us at a table with another couple.

I wouldn't have had a huge problem with that but the other couple like didn't even look at us and just kind of ignored us when we introduced ourselves. Awkward. The cruise itself was pretty though. And we got a good laugh when they got an old Japanese tourist up there to dance with the Tahitian hula dancers. :)

The last day he was here we went to Lanikai with our friends Molly and Sam (Sam is also on the boat and Molly and I have been hanging out a lot). They brought their two dogs Winston and Bella and I got to break in my new camera.

Lanikai is definitely my favorite beach on the island. Calm, clear, gorgeous. It's on the other side of the island though- a 45 minute drive from where we live. Ko Olina will remain my favorite beach on this side of the island.

Anyway, Nick and I had a great last few days together before he left. It gets me excited about planning a honeymoon for when he gets back.

And fortunately, since he left I’ve been keeping super busy.

The week Nick left I ended up picking up extra hours at work. With working fulltime, and driving an hour or more each day to and from work, I really didn’t have time to do much but eat, walk the dog, water the lawn, and sleep. Not much time to think.

Also fortunately, the other Navy Wives have been awesome. They really are such great friends to have…and we’re all on the same boat (pun intended).

I got to talk to Nick a few times since he left. He doesn't have a calling card to talk on the phone but he bought a netbook before he left and when they pulled into port only a week after leaving, he was around WIFI so we were able to Skype- way better than the phone anyway. We Skyped about 3 or 4 times before he left that port today...well, technically tomorrow/Monday (they are a day ahead of us).
That was great. Nick even got Maggie to SIT via Skype. She looked confused when he said the command but she followed instructions.

Now that he has left that port, it will be a few weeks at least before I get to talk to him again.

I have a bunch of little goals set for while Nick is gone. One of the major ones (which I haven’t started yet) is that I really want to start writing a book. I also really want to learn to play guitar but I don’t currently have a guitar. And there are way too many other things I want for the house before a guitar comes into play.

The most important (and most accomplishable) goals involve the house.

We got grass seeds planted before Nick left since the 6 inch “plugs” of grass are taking so long to spread. We hoped this would help move things along a little. They’re all starting to shoot up, and it’s just so darn cute!

When I was little I loved to plant and grow things..it happened accidentally when I made an acorn-sawdust pie and it started growing. I thought it was the coolest thing! So I loved to grow catnip, Chia pets, aloe vera, and whatever else my mom would let me. When we moved to Charleston I was super excited to get a fern. I don’t know why. I just was. And I brought with me some peppermint plants from my grandma’s house.

Both died pretty quickly. It didn’t help that we were in apartments and they were out on the patio we never went out on. And I don’t think the severe humidity in the summer there helped either. The whole fern-killing experience kind of discouraged me.

But now that I’m seeing little baby grass shoots everywhere it got me excited again!

I bought a fern a few weeks ago- which is still alive!- and named it Bob. He sits perfectly on top of our little Tiki man named Gizmo (doesn’t he look like a Gremlin?) They make a perfectly matched couple.

Yesterday I bought herbs and veggies to plant in the garden area we have sectioned off. I also bought hibiscus plants (bushes?) to put in a really sunny corner of the yard where the grass is dying from too much sun.

Today I dug right in. Literally. I also made 3 trips to Home Depot this week and got cute patio furniture.

After the yard is a bit more together, I’m going to work on the house. We got blinds last week (on the day of my birthday actually) and the house already looks…well, like a real house.

I have some great ideas for splashing the place with some color and some decorating designs I can’t wait to work on. It’s kind of crazy that Nick will be coming home to a completely different looking place- but that’s why I’m excited. This week I’m going to go to Ross and utilize more giftcards by picking out some wall hangings and random decorations. So excited!

It’s still a bummer in some ways to live here though…I know what you’re thinking. “Don’t complain about living in Hawaii!” But when you’re living here- not vacationing here- it really is different.

I mean the cost of living is a given. It’s insane. The isolation is a big downside to the island. It was cool living in Charleston because if I needed to get back home, it was a10 hour drive and Maggie could come with me. Or the plane tickets, in case of emergency, weren’t insane.

Not here.

Having the dog (not that I’m complaining because she’s my best friend and my bed mate right now) limits a lot of things with the island because I can’t take her with me off the island. And plane tickets? Whew. So expensive to get back to the mainland.

But I think the biggest thing with it isn’t that it’s Hawaii- it’s that it’s living in Hawaii while being in the military. As long as we’re in the military, everything is temporary. I was looking at different things I could plant in that sunny corner of the yard and the garden store had lemon trees, lime trees, and navel orange trees….but with our time here I wouldn’t get to appreciate having something like that.

And it’s saddening to think of fixing this place up and putting money into it- knowing that someone else will be living here in 3 years or so.

I definitely appreciate my time here. But I look forward to having a forever house one day, hopefully. A house that I can continue to buy things for it knowing they will be able to stay put. Or picking out patio furniture based on “Do I like it? Is it pretty?” and not “Will it break during our next move?”

But home is home. Despite what Luther Vandross says in his song- a house is not a home when there’s no one there to hold you tight.

My house is still a home. It’s up and coming but it’s still a home. Maggie and I will wait patiently- well, maybe not always patiently but mostly, hopefully- for the day Nick will come HOME.